In the past year we have all had something new to face - Covid-19. In addition, both I and my Service Dog have had to have surgery. Miss Coco Bean has actually had two surgeries. Perhaps due to these life-changing events, my PTSD and subsequent seizures have gotten worse.
Much of the time, I lose the ability to speak after a seizure. The PTSD resulting from a car accident many years ago, has wiggled its way into several forms or sets of symptoms over the years, many of which conventional therapy methods do not help with.
Coco is turning 13 this month, and twice now I have had to face a reality that she might not have made it through surgery. She did make it, she is currently fine, but what will I do without her?
My current language issue is not completing a sentence- at any given time or place, or seemingly having two conversations with myself. I will be doing something, and all of a sudden, I am speaking about something entirely different. I think this may be connected to the fairly common symptom of PTSD and running thoughts- only I speak them - or not.
I am going back to my violins for some help.
Going back to when I was a child, I have played violin, flute, piano, guitar, and worked out some theories regarding PTSD on cello, viola, violin, a recorder (instrument), penny whistle, clay indigenous flute. Out of those last instruments, I have found the soprano "voice" of the violin is closest to the white noise I hear all the time from PTSD. Only a couple of those instruments inspired me enough to actually take playing to a daily level, and the violin is one of them.
Video link: (not music) PTSD-Language-Music-Violin
Cecilio CVN300 is a very good starter violin, even when purchased used. They also make a good starter electric/silent violin. You need an amp to project the music. This is a halfway decent small amp to start with for a silent violin.
When I went back to playing a violin, I happened upon "tab" music. Tab is simply an easier way to "read" music. There are several books available for violin in tab, but I have used two from Cindy Miles for several years.
Here is another thing I have discovered about PTSD - My PTSD is from a car accident-when I go in a car it causes seizures for a few hours after the ride. I have recently had a seizure that threw me back to images of Army men and Batman-two recurring themes.
By using "figures" (a Batman 5 inch, Luke Skywalker 4 inch, 3.75 inch G.I.Joes) I have realized that when I go in a car I hear background music. The Star Wars Theme, The Batman Theme, The Marine's Hymn because of a trip to the base my uncle was stationed on.
When I had my car accident, I got "fried" to the Batman theme song- both because my son wasn't killed in the crash and because I loved Batman as a kid. I thought it was the violence of the crash, but it wasn't- it was and is the MUSIC always in the background.
Here's another example - when I was a kid, I LOVED Alvin and the Chipmunks - which and again because of the theme songs of the movies my son used to watch - well the chipmunks became the song "If I Had Words"" (Mice version) from the movie "Babe".
Notice that both songs are surreal and in the Babe song, very high pitched background noise. Very unreal, yet constantly there. I am going to record my playing onto an mp3 player and take the mp3s in the car when I have to go in a car, bringing the background noise to the level of fun listening.
The background noise is a slower calming noise - and real life is where the reality is. It is why I say people with #PTSD are actually normal as they are- I believe we find a way to sustain ourselves inside no matter what we look like "outside".
Below is an example of what "tab" music looks like- from the books by Cindy Miles.
